First team match report
British Airways (Home) - May 2006
Verdict
A stunning 4-1 victory for the Coolhurst boys over close rivals BA, cementing our superiority over the team who pushed so close for first place in the winter league. A few more wins of this calibre and we should be pushing the teams at the top end of the table.
Nick Buckley
Result: Won 3-0
Plus's: Movement, shot selection, speed.
Minus's: Too many tins, dodgy yellow 'canary-style' T-shirt
Verdict: A fine win for the superstar over the Middlesex league stalwart Mick McLaughlin, finally breaking his summer league duck. Unfortunately still hitting the tin a tad more often than the gallery would appreciate, but looking better all the time thanks to embarking on a Peter Nicol style training regime and being given free courts (before 12.50 - the club opens at 11) by the club committees.
Rating: 3.5/5
Neil Rossin
Result: Lost 1-3
Plus's: Came all the way from Cambridge to get humped, didn't go down in 3, couldn't have provided the team with any more wind up material.
Minus's: Shot selection, boring, predictable, stroppy behaviour, wore a contentious Hunts county T-shirt, afterwards was dressed in extremely dodgy bermuda shorts and sandals.
Verdict: Not a good day for the boy from Cambridge, playing his nemesis Gurbahj. The Rossa huffed, puffed and rallied hard but ultimately struggled to contain his mercurial foe. Comments from the crowd included "Does he know his squash is so predictable"; "I'm sure Rossa just tries to bore his opponents into submission". Needs to learn to vary the pace and actually play some drops that he works hard practising every day. Openly admitted after the match to having domestic issues which are affecting his concentration and motivation and made him more than petulant with a very well marked match.
Rating: 1/5
Ally McGill
Result: Won 3-1
Plus's: Volley drops, backhand lengths, for once the captain led by example.
Minus's: Concentration waived in the 3rd game, still lacking in confidence.
Verdict: A fine win for the skipper over friendly rival Clive Johnson, lengths good, drops tight, nicks coming off and few mistakes made for his best performance of the summer season so far. The only blips were the astonishingly poor display of shot selection in the 3rd game and the hilarious marking prediction when refereeing Gourlay (explained later). The top end of the order are watching their backs...
Rating: 4/5 (lost point for refereeing display explained below).
Richard Gourlay
Result: Won 3-0
Plus's: Looking very fit and sprightly, consistent lengths.
Minus's: A tendency to get drawn into the hacking game, hilarious jumping forehand volleys (is it a bird? is it a plane? no its a flying bald man!).
Verdict: A great win for the old codger over the BA hacker Jamie. From 1-8 down in the 1st the coolhurst man reliably hacked his way to a 10-9 victory, grinding out some monumental rallies in particular when Jamie served at 8-9, at least 80 shots went by prompting the referee to explain to the gallery that 'Whoever wins this rally will win the game and probably the match', Gourlay responded by hacking the ball into the tin then winning the next 2 rallies and 2 games comfortably. McGill declined to comment afterwards.
Rating: 4.5/5
Peter Baird
Result: Won 3-0
Plus's: Speed, consistency, patience (tolerated 40 minutes of a cantankarous Scooperman which is more than can be said for the skipper or the referee).
Minus's: Had to tolerate 40 minutes of a cantankarous Scooperman, played some awful shots.
Verdict: Thoroughly convincing win for the Coolhurst man who seems over his recent illness and back in form. Maintained his concentration well despite some ridiculous rants from his opponent who constantly abused the poor ref then stormed off in a strop with 3 cans of juice from the bar. Baird needs to be pushed a bit more we feel so is currently plotting his rise up the team order. The match was refereed masterfully and assertively by Buckley.
Rating: 4/5
Damian Smith's Wedding
Result: Good time had by all.
Plus's: His speech included the line "The squash boys have always suggested I'm a fat man waiting to get out of a thin man's body".
Minus's: Any sincerity in Grooms speech "I would like to say how lovely my wife looks" delivered in dead pan, brummy accent. "I'm sure you will agree the bridesmaid looked wonderful" - read from his computer printed (internet cribbed) script without a hint of affection or adoration. Vows included the infamous slip up "awful wedded wife"
Verdict Is it any wonder he's a computer programmer. Stick to the day job and don't go in for front of house comedy warm up acts. Much merriment and consumption of alcohol til late into the night - a well earned rest for the happy couple on honeymoon now (although he could have been available for last nights match if the new wife had let him!!!).